Sometimes I think. Sometimes I don’t.


[LA] Good or bad, any ideas?

There's definitely a strangely private tie of mine to LA. Planned or unplanned, I've been to this city three times...

Now I can hardly find the photos of my first time there, of that brightwhite March I was hanging with three random roomies. Like any new girls, not their Hollywood dream, one minute we were in the motel room, the next we went underground in the rusty steel smell, and then we stood our feet in Disneyland. Oh Big Holy Disneyland.

Old ones are here to relive their youth; young couples are here for their pleasant moments; children are here to picture the future...

Every man is his own King here.

Me, no longer a child not yet a young woman, got a boyfriend back at his mummy's and random playmates that weren't my friends. I was there in such gorgeous sight to have my own fun, ecstatic and lonelybut unaware of it. 

The wonderland was too modern to remind me of Gatsby's castle. It would be great if they built one there for everyone to catch a glimpse of richness. People present all shared this with me: money isn't worth a damn. Yeah, that was how I thought before life accompanied me.

Life: "how pale it must be, I can see, with only me for company."

That's why when others tell me things, I go like, "just live your life." But if escape is ever a spirit, just on the contrary never let it slip. Outside the life wherever is a wonderland. Spare time for someone you truly love. Go to places with that person. Read books. Listen to music. Write poems. Record unforgettable moments. 

But if you have already lost all the pleasant for above, just live your life. Even Disneyland has given you up. I'm glad of myself that I still can look into the sun. Every night I was back at the motel room lying onthe bed, the moments of the day were ghostly shaking away, not into dreams but these darkly shimmering LA streets along the windows. 

Two years from then, here was my second time.

Forever and a day, the coastal sunset is the same at Monica Beach, the slowly fading rosé eternity itself rather than a permanently repeated natural phenomenon. It was the one sunset I'd seen at each place elsewhere but something distinctive about it this time; I stood on the bridge among people coming and going, salty sea breeze brushing my face, and there was not a single thought on my mind like weightless blankness. Unlike the sunset above the Grand Canyon, it was so humane that shifted into the contrary. 

People on the bridge, like a giant ocean tide, rising and falling with their own affairs. The sunset watches high above like God present for fun in an opera after His dinner, then He rests and ready for another on the same time. Occasionally, five years barely make a change about LA in LaLaLand besides stars and upcoming movies; ongoing, jazz in pop, snow in sun, truth with lies. Endless summer, the eternity born from the ocean remains coolly evergreen. 

(Night is always free. LA's got a forgetful modern soul...)

For the whole afternoon and later night my partners were in Disneyland, certainly they had enjoyed themselves there. After my visit of a museum (actually LA's full of street art that wasn't born for decent collection), I was wandering on Sunset & Vine, the crossing district famous for its radio and movie business started from 1920s.

(Now I'm not even was like I'd been in the lyrical scene of Lana Del Rey...)

Red racing cars, Sunset and Vine. 

The kids were young and pretty...

I was born so bad, not naturally right

the brightnest star on Hollywood and Vine

.....gotta see it all before he says goodbye

Every man deserves to see the sunset.

Spotlight, bad baby, you've got a flair

For the violentest kind of love anywhere out there

Mon amour, sweet child of mine

You're divine.

Drive fast, I can almost taste it now

LA, we don't even have to fake it now. 

Everything I want I have

Money, notoriety, Rivearas.


It's endless. She was born a silver lady for the old century.

Now and ever this area has been full of glamorous luxury and new stars, shining from nearly 100 years of it, still in the songs. Run for themoney and fame, babe, you would just like you should. 

Yeah for hundred years, before Capitol Records Building rose, there had already been rises; from the ground, against the sky. I'm not sure if the blue sunset today can make it sadder. 

Beside Vine street, cars still racing through noise, new scrawl art on the wall, a new song coming out by some pop star.....everybody's singing, producing art, making movies, writing books. When the early night fell, I saw the shadow of my face on the cafe window, mixing with yellow lights and walking passenagers outside. A air current slipped inas someone opened the door, sweetly greasy with smoke and mild coldness, rising a nausea from my stomach. I left my coffee mug and walked out.

Sunset and Vine, what could even last? 

I saw you everchanging, like a God, in gold silver, in pinkish blue, in dizzy whiteness, and now in sweet flashy night. 



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